Jim Davidson Set to Fill Rees Mogg Void!
Posted on November 23, 2018
With the Rees Mogg political earthquake turning into nothing more than a fart in a phone box, and UKIP getting embroiled in a civil war and potential coup by their never elected heavyweight politician, Nigel Farage, a new organised right wing order is set to crash onto the political spectrum.
The ‘Send ‘Em Back’ party is set to unveil its strapline on a red London bus this weekend in a bid to take us back to the good old days when you could call a West Indian a lazy coon and he would really like it.
The ‘Two World Wars, One World Cup’ bus will be driven to parliament by Chalkie Token, the assistant of new party leader, Jim Davidson, and will be followed by a DJ set from saucy party secretary, Barbara ‘Babs’ Windsor. Babs will be on board playing songs from the good old days in the 1950’s and 60’s when gentlemen gangsters would always shake your hand before slitting your throat.
At a hastily arranged ‘Send ’em Back’ press conference, Davidson announced his hard Brexit ideology, featuring an ambitious plan to take our country back…to 1974. This included the return of three TV channels, and comedy shows featuring himself and Dennis Waterman, with several slapstick roles for Babs Windsor and Davidson’s mate, Chalkie.
When quizzed whether his political ideology, like that of Rees Mogg, had an entirely self-serving agenda, Davidson was curt in his response.
“I am only interesting in taking our country back (to 1974) and that is what I will do….’ere, av you ‘eard my impression of my mate Chalkie, he used to work for British Rail…Ding, Dong…Dee next treen will be arriving at Pladdinton Stayshon…dee next treen will be arriving at Pladdington Stayshon…”
Party Secretary, Windsor, said that it was her driving ambition to change the perception of knife crime in London. This will involve a stringent education curriculum to teach young murderers to be lovely to their mothers and more polite to their victims before they stab them, just like in the old days.
“Back in my day, if Mad Fwankie McFuckfingers was gonna stab you, ‘e would always shake your ‘and and buy you a beer first. Murderwers these days need to earn some wespect!”, said Windsor, famous for her award winning ‘Let it Burn’ scene in Eastenders.
The bus is set to arrive in Parliament Square at 2:00 PM on Sunday, with the Met Police predicting literally tens of supporters for a new political revolution that is set to rival the recent coup by Jacob Rees Mogg.
*Davidson has already made a pilot for the show, called ‘Take Me Up the Arse(nal)’. It is based in Highbury, North London, with Windsor playing the sex starved housewife of the grumpy Frank Headmeat (Davidson) who employs an overtly camp West Indian (Chalkie Token) as a house maid. Dennis Waterman, the nosey next door neighbour, is set to sing the theme tune.