A Hampshire man has been killed after what police described as a “tragic and confusing interaction” with a roundabout late on Saturday night.

The deceased, Wayne Lexley-Yannon, 42, was struck by a lorry shortly after leaving JD Wetherspoons, where witnesses say he had been loudly explaining geopolitics to anyone within three tables. A self-described “patriot” and unemployed warehouse operative, Lexley-Yannon was reportedly under the influence and “shouting incoherently about boats, snowflakes and getting his country back” moments before attempting to mate with a roundabout proudly adorned with a St George’s flag.

Emergency services were called to the scene but, according to one paramedic, “there wasn’t much we could do — he had managed to combine alcohol, concrete, and national pride in a way no human body was designed for.”

‘Always Been an Arsehole’

Reactions from people who knew Lexley-Yannon have been less than sympathetic. One former neighbour said, “He’s always been an arsehole. He once tried to report me to the council for flying a Welsh flag during the Euros. Said it was ‘foreign propaganda.’”

A former colleague added, “A prick, through and through. You couldn’t mention sandwiches at work without him turning it into an argument about immigrants.”

A childhood friend concluded, “Flagshagging moron. I’m not surprised he went out like that. Honestly, I thought it would be a flagpole, not a roundabout.”

Police Warning

Authorities have urged the public to refrain from romantic entanglements with road furniture, particularly those decorated with national symbols, warning that such behaviour is “not only illegal and dangerous, but deeply unpatriotic to the country’s road network.”