Demonstrations broke out yesterday after part-time conspiracy theorist and general psychopath, Frank Nuthouse, announced he had been “violated, disrespected and cancelled” after being politely refused entry to a mosque yesterday whilst wearing a head-to-toe Union Jack suit and cradling a dented can of Special Brew.

Cultural Warrior

Frank, who describes himself as a “Cultural warrior for weal Britain,” was reportedly attempting to “do a multiculturalism exercise” by wandering into Friday prayers uninvited, unwashed, and needlessly loud.

“I just wanted to go in and av a nice chat about how they’re woo-ining this cantree!”, said Nuthouse, outside the gates of the mosque. “But appawently, it’s me oo’s the pwoblem now. You couldn’t make it up, except I do, daily, on Facebook.”

Eyewitnesses say Nuthouse began shouting about “Bwitish values” before trying to hand out Greggs sausage rolls and quoting Winston Churchill, though mostly just the made-up bits that never happened but appear on a stream of memes by Facebook groups such as ‘”Not Far-Right, Just Right”.

Patriots Fight Back

Within hours, news of Frank’s brave stand against not being allowed to crash a religious service whilst pissed up on Special Brew, had reached every patriot group that claims Tommy Robinson is a victim of wokes and lefties trying to destroy Christian values they cherish, despite never going to a church.

By mid-afternoon, a group of 34 very angry, unemployed individuals mostly called Gaz or Chantelle descended on a nearby Travelodge with their X Bullies that are just big softies really. It’s unclear why the Travelodge was chosen as the protest site, but it’s thought someone who knows Nigel Farage personally had it on good authority a rapist, granny mugging refugee lived there and had been given private healthcare, a Porsche 911 and a free house that would make Omaze blush.

Memes and Knock off X Bullies

Armed with printed-off memes, their knockoff devil dogs, and an entire wardrobe from Sports Direct, they chanted slogans like “This is are Cantree!” and “No sawender to alal meal deals!” while blocking traffic and looking confused whenever asked what they were actually protesting against.

The chaos escalated when one man attempted to throw a copy of the The Sun like a frisbee, and another tripped over his own Union Jack cape while trying to “Save are Kids” from a halal butcher who, it turned out, was just just an Indian IT worker walking home with his shopping.

Greggs Smashed up Again

Inevitably, a local Greggs was smashed up, for reasons still unclear, though one protester reportedly shouted, “They’ve gone woke. They do vegan now!” before the group set fire to a house they believed belonged to “A Paedo Muslimist Terrywrist Synthesiser”. It turned out to be the home of a paediatrician who once treated someone called Mo.

Local police arrived and made several stern facial expressions before deciding it was all just “a cultural misunderstanding,” and offered to escort the group back to their natural habitat (the pub car park). Frank, meanwhile, has vowed to take his case “all the way to Elon Musk,” claiming he’s been silenced, oppressed by wokes…in his own country.

“I’m not racislist,” he concluded, burping slightly. “I just fink everyone who looks diffwent to me should follo my Cwistchun twaditions, even if I don’t know what fack they are”.

Nuthouse has denied inciting arson and asked for his hard drive not to be checked.