By a Maily Expressgraph Correspondent

It was a scene straight out of a dystopian nightmare. On a crisp autumn afternoon in St James’s Park, horrified onlookers claim they saw a migrant brazenly wrestle a swan to the ground before casually strolling through London with the bloody carcass tucked under his arm.

Fierce Fight

Passers-by reported the bird put up a fierce fight. “Swans don’t go quietly,” one witness told us. “But he bit its head clean off. People screamed, other swans tried to intervene but it was too late. Despite the immigrant getting his arm broken, the swan died, along with our Christian values.”

Incredibly, the man described as “brown and definitely benefiting from the Right to Remain system” then boarded the London Underground. Commuters watched in horror as he allegedly licked the bird clean on the Victoria Line. And yet Transport for London staff did NOTHING. Not a single inspector asked him why he was licking a headless swan clean. Probably because they were foreign as well.

Sharia Ritz

Arriving at The Ritz, the man was greeted by a porter who, instead of calling the police, SALUTED and cried “Allahu Akbar!” before ushering him inside. According to unverified Maily Expressgraph sources (the best kind), The Ritz is now operating under full Sharia law, with taxpayers footing the bill for all swan-based banquets.

Moments later, our unverified sources saw a black limousine pulling up outside the luxury hotel with the words “ SHARIA LIMOUSINES – SPONSORED BY THE TAXPAYER” emblazoned across the side. Out stepped none other than SADIQ KHAN. When confronted by our non-existent reporter the Mayor allegedly shouted: “I’m here for roast duck with Mohammed — Allah is God!” Our non existent reporter made his excuses and left.

Homeless Veterans

Critics of Khan say the shocking incident proves once again that Britain is a country where Christian valued law-abiding citizens and homeless veterans are forced to eat rats while migrants enjoy swan dinners in five-star hotels with City Mayors. Others point out there is literally no evidence whatsoever of this happening.

But that, dear readers, is EXACTLY what they want you to think.