I am sorry, to inform the readers of my blog (of which there are an impressive average of 20 a day) that I will not be writing updates for a week, as I am off on exotic camping holiday to the golden shores of Dorset. I can only guess at how you will all cope without my rapier tameless wit for a week, but cope you must do, as I will be spending a week without my laptop, with my youngest son , my girlfriend, her daughters, and about thirty others from her village which will remain nameless in case you are would be burglars. Feel free to burgle my house, as all you will find is a satsuma, some organic chutney and three cans of Batchelors scotch broth. I was going to leave half an onion in the fridge, but it has been there since April and it had to go.

Recession and lack off cash means that this will be about as good as it gets on the holiday front for me this year, and unless any of you know any publishers who wish to purchase my hilarious life stories, this is not likely to change any time soon. However, if last year is anything to go by, we will have fun regardless, as we have hired out a field near Swanage which will be transformed with tents, marquees, barbecues, copious booze, and pit fires, and as a bonus the weather looks good if not scorching.

I will be back next Friday ready for the new football season, and whilst you will all be relishing the prospect of reading about Mr Calamity(or Blunder Bob as my girlfriend lovingly calls me) losing my keys, burning down the campsite, or getting blitzed by thunderstorm, I am kind of hoping that I will return with little to report except balmy days by the beach and lovely evenings eating and drinking as the sun sets across the idyllic Dorset landscape.

However, that wouldn’t make good reading would it?

Catch you all next week!!!