What Happened to The Ice Age we Were Having?

Posted on January 11, 2011
A look at the weather forecast for the foreseeable future indicates temperatures between 10-13c which for many of us is a 15-20c swing from those snowy days in December that seem a long way away all of a sudden. So who would have thought it, the Daily Mail, Express and Sunday Times were all incorrect in stating that this was going to be our coldest winter in history as the Jet stream (pictured below) has reasserted normal service which could well result in our mildest January for at least the last few years.
The Jet Stream is Back Where it Belongs
In previous times I would have been disappointed that we were not getting genuinely seasonal weather at this time of the year, but not now as this mild albeit wetter air is allowing me to wear one pair of socks and just a shirt and jacket to work rather than jumpers and scarves and woolie hats for my hairless head. It has also meant the miraculous disappearance of aches and pains in my knee and ankle joints that were making me feel somewhat older than forty three which is a real relief I can tell you. Never before have I felt the cold like I did in December, it was awful.

I took a peek at the temperatures in Malaga (Spain) today and I can now begin to understand why people move to the south of Spain in their latter years. It is Sunny and 18-20c all week, my oh my how nice that must be just meandering along the sea front untroubled by slow circulation and damp joints with just the odd game of golf  and cool beer to break up the day, though I don’t suppose it is so nice getting mugged by North African prostitutes and finding out that your house has been built illegally and isn’t actually yours, and if it is, it is worth about five quid. But still at least the heating bills would be lower in the property you were about to have confiscated.

Of course the grass is rarely greener on the other side, but there must be somewhere better to live than Britain between October and March, though I have yet to work out where that would be. Nice and Monaco are full of Eastern European gansters buying up all the property, Australia is full of snakes, spiders, floods, forest fires and loads of other things that want to eat you (though it has Aussie cricket fans to taunt), Spain is full of self righteous Scottish drunks, South America is riddled with drug crime, Florida is the flattest most boring place on earth and is full of right wing George Bush loving Christian maniacs, Thailand is a fucked up sex haven for the middle aged, South Africa has South African people in it, the Carribean is only safe if you are caged up in a hideous all inclusive resort and Dubai looks like some sort of space age monstrosity for footballers and B class celebrities.

I would visit all of the above for a brief holiday, but I don’t expect I would last long if I tried to live in any of them, and I would probably arrive home three months later with my tail firmly between my legs without a pot to piss in longing to go to see Reading play and have a decent pint (though this is impossible at the same time).

Aaaah I know where I am going to keep warm this winter……in bed or in the bath!

It’s great to be a complete miserable bastard…….oh look its going to piss down tomorrow, that’s just the ticket!

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