I Can’t Keep up With the News!!!

Posted on May 3, 2011

That dastardly wedding, you know, the one last Friday, has been wiped cleanly off the news in the last few days as something new seems to be happening almost on an hourly basis. No sooner had the last of the street parties cleared up before we had the death of Saif Gadaffi (son of the Colonel) and surprise, surprise, the announcement of a prolonged war in Libya. We then had a brief respite before the CIA (or was it the FBI?) announced that after ten years, Bin Laden had at last been killed in some backwater of Pakistan after they hacked into his Sony Playstation and found his personal details. Of course, this is not true, but it wouldn’t surprise me, the bizarre nature of his death (a bullet in the eye before being tossed in the sea) has had conspiracy theorists racing for their notepads. Why not just show the body as proof to stop all the nonsense that will now come out…..hold on though, he was killed on the 2nd of the 5th……….if you add seven on to the two and six on to the five………….yes you’ve guessed it 9/11 !!!!

In between these events was the unfortunate death of ‘enry Cooper, the only man to stick Muhammad Ali on his arse only to see him quite literally saved by the bell. I only hope that the bombing of Libya and the alleged murder of Bin Laden were not contrived to ‘bury’ the bad news of Cooper’s death, a bit like the VAT rise during the Hatton rail crash some years ago. I am sure Henry wouldn’t have condoned mass bombing in Iran to deter the nation from grieving his passing, though with all the lies flying around parliament about the Iran conflict being one of beating repression who knows what these fuckwits are up to. If the USA and the West are so appalled by Middle Eastern regimes cutting civilians hands off for stealing an apple why didn’t they blow the rest of them up whilst their leaders were in the relative safety of a Royal Wedding in London?

It really is amazing how quick the press do move on in this country, it was only a week ago that a fucking great nuclear reactor was just about to blow Japan off the map and send a nuclear cloud over middle England, what’s happened to that? I thought it was going to take about a gazillion years to cool down? Could this constant spew of  bad news be to cover up that somewhere on the bottom of page 26 in the right wing press it was tentatively announced that the economy had only grown by a knats bollock of quarter of a per cent in the last quarter? This was of course because of a light snowfall on the Isle of McGlintockie and people holding on to their money so they could afford to buy a William and Kate commemorative wedding plate. The huge sell of this tat would then kick off a Bradford Exchange inspired boom in the economy meaning that we could slash more public sector jobs and chuck some more bombs at a hill somewhere in the middle East at a million quid a pop. Makes sense.

I really do think it is hilarious that we are all being trained to be shit scared of these Arabic nations when just across the pond they were showing pictures of the death of Bin Laden being celebrated like a Superbowl victory. The video I saw was of a University in Boston featuring students screaming USA, USA, USA and jumping up and down like maniacs. I always thought Boston was one of the more liberal and educated parts of America, so what the reaction was in places like Texas was I am not sure I want to know. America as nation preaches freedom and condemns the brainwashing carried out by fanatics in Middle Eastern states whilst it is guilty of doing the same thing to it’s own people. It is almost laughable to think that millions of the American population have been brainwashed in to believing that brainwashing is a terrible thing and that they are lucky to have their freedom. Have you been to any of the the American states in recent years? That’s not freedom, there are people controlling your every move in the airports, it’s terrifying stuff out there. Mind you it’s not much better here if we are totally honest, Rupert Murdoch dictates most of what goes in to our ears.

So we have people camping out on the street for two days to glimpse at Kings, Queens and world leaders, million pound missiles hurtling in to Iran, Simon Cowell making billions out of dubious talent, CIA trained Arabs getting killed by………. the CIA, then getting lobbed in the Sea and Reading reaching the Championship play offs……who says the world has gone stark raving fucking bonkers!?!?

Anyone for a stiff whisky as a mark of respect to our ‘Enry?

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