Murray Yet to Meet Knighthood Criteria!

Posted on August 17, 2016

Double Olympic Champion, Davis Cup and three times major winner, Andy Murray, will not be offered a Knighthood just yet, the honours committee has decided.

Committee executive, Sir Cecil Backhander, says that Murray has no credible evidence to suggest he is a sex offender nor has he asset stripped a retail chain or caused a financial collapse in the banking industry.

“Murray has achieved much, but we have to be careful not to devalue the honours system by offering Knighthoods to sportsmen willy nilly when there is a queue of directors of offshore companies offering good cash for this prestigious title”, said Sir Cecil.

Unless Andrew Murray is arrested for tax evasion or for making an investment in a Nigerian arms trader, we will not be considering him for him for a Knighthood, especially as he only sang the national anthem at a 70%  Knighthood gusto rating on Sunday and once told a journalist he was Scottish not English…in fact, if we are honest with ourselves, he could be regarded as a traitor!”


Potential Traitor: Murray sung anthem at 70% Gusto Rating

Speaking from his Monaco yacht, Sir Cecil said he is troubled about where the honours system is heading and admitted that he feared for its credibility.

“Knighthoods need to go to people like Sir Paul Ruddock of Lansdowne Partners for selling the Royal Mail for a song and donating £500k to the Conservative Party, not Scottish tennis players”, said Sir Cecil, frothing at the mouth.

With a wistful glance at our reporters, Sir Cecil lit a Cuban cigar, took the arm of his 21 year-old ‘friend’ and headed off to Philip Green’s gaff for a spot of lunch.

1 Reply to "Murray Yet to Meet Knighthood Criteria!"

  • Karen
    August 19, 2016 (11:16 pm)

    They must be waiting until Scotland get independence . A kind of here is one if we must but you can’t actually use it.

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