Coronavirus Set for an Ollie Good Beating!

Posted on April 12, 2020

The British government have refused to comment about increasing media speculation that they are about to turn to 57-year-old Grimsby Town boss, Ian Holloway, in a bid to turn the tide against the Coronavirus.

Holloway, otherwise known as Ollie, is renowned for his ability to rescue football clubs from the abys by instilling positivity and highly amusing quotes to reporters in a bid to deflect attention from his team.

It is hoped that rather than rely on testing or vaccines, Holloway’s jovial nature and upbeat messages at daily press conferences, can invoke the kind of Dunkirk spirit that saw off Germany 75 years ago.

When quizzed about the link by Sun political editor, Tom Notquite-Dumb, Holloway responded in typical Ollie style.

I see Peroni virus, or whatever it is called, like this. You’ve been in a club chatting to a bird and you look round and she has gone. You search around and eventually you go outside. She’s in the taxi queue but she isn’t in the taxi. You still have a chance to get hold of it. The bird is like Peroni virus you see, she’s nearly out of sight but you can still get hold of her.”

Home Secretary, Priti Awful, refused to be drawn whether Holloway was about to join the government.

“At the moment, I am fully focused on countering counter virus measures and ensuring three and thirty-four nine hundred and seventy-four thousand test are carried out on HSN staff, or whatever they are called”.

Mariners Chairman, John Fenty, refused to comment.

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