Ration Books Set to Boost Johnson’s Popularity

Posted on September 17, 2021

Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, has received a welcome boost in the opinion polls after leaked reports alleging that the government is bringing back ration books.


The UWotGov opinion poll, has seen Johnson’s rating rise to 38%, with Labour dropping back to 31%. After a slight fall in the ratings due to rotting food, the lack of manual labour, shortage of manufacturing and construction materials, this will be welcome news for the PM.

Along with the return of imperial weights and measures and a crown on pint glasses, the PM is confident he can maintain the share of a vote (35%) needed to retain power. It is also thought that starting a Cold War with China and stitching France up on a nuclear manufacturing deal, has boosted ratings.

Pandering to the Batshit Crazy

Whilst the PM realises that the catastrophic failure of Brexit is potentially damaging to trade, supply of goods and inflation, he feels that his core voting base is batshit crazy enough to keep ticking his box. With ration books, blue passports, and imperial measurements, Johnson’s team are increasingly confident they can maintain the deluded nostalgia vote.

In an unlikely twist, the boost in the polls is also good news for ISIS cover girl, Shamima Begum. Leaked reports from inside Number 10, allege that if Johnson’s rating had continued to fall, Home Secretary, Priti Patel, was set to act. One option was to have Begum publicly stoned under the statue of Winston Churchill.

Complex Distraction

However, whilst Begum has proved to be an excellent distraction for the PM, it is a distraction that comes with its own complexities. Whilst her public execution would consolidate the lunatic vote that Johnson is increasingly dependent on, it is not going down well in the ‘Blue Wall’ areas.  

Promoting right-wing populism whilst keeping small ‘c’ conservatives on board, is one tricky gig. For Johnson, the king of the wack jobs, it may well his toughest test so far.

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