Banning Gangsters, You’re ‘avin a Laugh, Banning Gangters, You’re ‘avin a Laugh

Posted on February 26, 2022

You have to laugh at everyone jumping on the bandwagon with regards to Roman Abramovich and Chelsea FC. Everyone knew he was a gangster 20 years ago and no one did anything about it. The British government welcomed him and his roubles in. He knew, like all self-respecting gangsters and human rights abusers, a Premier League football club is the place to be.

Why Football Clubs?

Why a football club? Well, we all know the saying with football fans. “You can change your wife; you can change your car, but you never change your football club”. Football fans would have Adolf Hitler bankrolling them if it meant winning trophies. They would justify it with whatabouttery. “Yeah, Adolf’s not perfect, but he’s no Genghis Khan…up the Blues!”.

Look throughout football and it is full of crooks, tax dodgers, porn barons, and gangsters. The club I support, Reading FC, has been riddled with them for a decade. I can’t bring myself to pay money to go and watch them, but I haven’t started supporting Southampton or a nice club like Forest Green Rovers. I don’t know why but it’s just not the done thing.

Blind Loyalty

Blind loyalty towards something so trivial as football, is utterly ridiculous if you give it any rational thought. At Reading, you pay £12 to park, £25:00 to get in, and £6:00 for a pint. Players, even at Reading, who are shit, earn north of £20k a week. It’s like being abused. I’m surprised they don’t charge fans to be kicked square in the bollocks. £10.00 for a hefty hoof via a Loakes Brogue. £15:00 for full-on testicle obliteration courtesy of a hobnail boot. £30:00 for a pie, pint, and kick in the bollocks deal.

I don’t blame the players by the way. I might claim to be a socialist but if some mad cunt wanted to pay me £100k a week I’d take it. In fairness to myself, I would do the decent thing and pay my tax and NI. I would also promise not to volley a cat around my kitchen or park in a disabled bay. I have standards, you know.

Unlikely Reboot

If gangsters are to be taken out of football, it needs a total reboot (is ‘reboot’ a pun?). This would mean less money pouring in and would leave clubs relying on youth policies and an infrastructure that pooled local-grown talent. It would need World Cups to be held in countries with respectable human rights laws. What about having a sport supported by businesses that didn’t sponsor totalitarian states run by blood and soil dictators?

Wouldn’t that be nice?

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