When I was watching amateur football the other day, I stumbled across a classic Little Britain moment. It was two chaps in the latter stages of middle-ages clumsily trying to explain to each other their feelings about the death of the Queen.

One mustered enough courage to say that he had shed a tear or two, whilst the other said, quite abruptly, that he hadn’t gone that far. As they struggled to find grief equality, everything got awkward. These were two men who clearly knew each other, finding themselves stumped by each other’s feelings.

Fear of the Mourning Police

This bizarre scenario has been played out time and again by decent people paralysed by the thought of being laid into by the mourning police. It has happened to me. When we picked up our dog from our neighbours the other day, the dreaded Queen conversation came up. I gambled on them being 20 years younger than me and said, “to be honest, I’m not overly bothered”.   

On this occasion, my stint at the mourning roulette wheel, paid off. They didn’t seem to know what all the fuss was about either, which sent the words “thank fuck for that”, spinning around my head. I could feel the tension pass with both parties loosening up into a jovial conversation. It was strangely liberating in a week where one act of dissent could turn very ugly.

This is because the right-wing media have caused such a culture war, you don’t have to be anti-monarchy to be despised. Being apathetic is enough. Take my humble daily life for example. Before the Queen died, I would get up, take the dog for a walk, come home, have a cup of coffee, get on the phone, and try to make some money. I would then have a bit of lunch, do a bit more work, take the dog out again, have a bit of dinner and maybe pop out for a pint with Jennifer.

Daily Life

Now the Queen is dead, I get up, take the dog for a walk, come home, have a cup of coffee, get on the phone, and try to make some money. I then have a bit of lunch, do a bit more work, take the dog out again, have a bit of dinner and maybe pop out for a pint with Jennifer. When people say that now the Queen has died, our lives have changed forever, I’m sorry, I’m not having it. I don’t want to get spiteful, but the truth is, the dog croaking it would have a far bigger impact on my life, than the Queen dying.

Let’s be honest, it’s the same for nearly everyone outside the monarchy. I don’t mean that everyone has the same life as me, but they will have similar habitual ways that won’t change one iota. The death of the Queen is not in the same league as the loss of a close family member or even an adoring pet. When people claim otherwise, they are either lying or stark raving bonkers. I saw a headline today saying the Queen was like everyone’s Grandma. My grandma used to swear at the TV every time Thatcher was on the news, so I doubt it.

Patrotism

Yet we have been pushed into a corner where we must grieve, or we are traitors. Any republican views are deemed unpatriotic. When France plays in the Six nation rugby tournament and the players and supporters are banging out La Marseillaise from the Stade de France, come and talk to me about Republicans not being patriotic. It’s a right-wing media myth that patriotism can only come from the love of the Monarchy.

No one dares talk about the future of the monarchy and whether it suits a progressive democracy to have an unelected institution holding so much land and money. It may be that is the way we are best served and that on balance, a modern royal family can operate alongside or even on the road to righteousness. That righteous road being one that leads to a fair society with equality when it comes to health, education and of course, the one the right-wing crooks hate the most, fair taxation. In a less toxic country it would be a reasonable debate.

A Media Tool

When you analyse it deeper, the royal family are just a media tool. Newspapers like The Mail, The Sun and The Telegraph (all owned by aggressive tax avoiders) whip people up into rabid, cultist adoration of the royals. Those who don’t comply are labelled as traitors, communists and haters of the country that fought the Nazis. It is a classic culture war where people who are essentially the same, tear shreds off each other whilst newspaper barons and public service contractors, steal all the money and send to whichever tax haven is cracking the best deal at that moment in time.

In reality, a true patriot (if you believe in such a thing) is someone who goes out every day, earns a living, and pays taxes to improve our roads, hospitals, schools, and a host of other public services. Those who don’t pay their taxes and use every loophole going to avoid paying them are the real traitors.

Now, off you go and check where the owners of the Sun, The Telegraph and The Mail. keep their money. Then if you doubt my sentiments, you might begin to understand their fervent chasing down of anyone who doesn’t take their side in the patriotism culture war. They celebrated the Queen’s death more than anyone who might be apathetic to the monarchy’s existence.

For them, it is a distraction gift like no other.