To be an up to date political journalist in the UK must be an absolute nightmare. No sooner than sitting down with the laptop to pen a piece on the NI protocol, Isabel Oakeshott stitches up Matt Hancock. Move onto that story, then Boris Johnson pipes up with a keynote waffling and bumbling session. Quickly on to that, then Keir Starmer employs a woman who, in the minds of half the nation, is called, Sue Gray-Report.

It must be hard to see the wood for the trees.

The Protocol/Windsor Agreement

The Windsor Agreement was hailed a major success on Monday. It was unique in that it had the bizarre sight of Ursula Von Der Leyen glancing over to Rishi Sunak without a look of utter contempt. I had become so used to the irreparable disdain towards our populist crackpots Johnson and Truss, it came as a shock to see an almost cordial atmosphere.

Of course, Sunak championed his achievement which would, critically, allow Northern Ireland free trade with both the UK and the EU. It is such a wonderful idea, it is quite bewildering that the four countries of the United Kingdom hadn’t done it before. They have of course but in the new Tory history curriculum, what happened between 2010 and ‘Getting Brexit Done’, no longer counts.

Baited Breath

As the deal was agreed, and the atmosphere warmed between the UK and the EU, the world waited with bated breath for political reactions. What would the DUP and a scruffy backbench bullshitter called Boris, think? We all knew really but pretended we didn’t, just to make life interesting.

The DUP found an excuse not to like it because they will do anything not to be a unionist minority in Stormont. They didn’t talk much sense, making me wonder why they bother with the word ‘democratic’ in their title. Boris waited 3 days to make his keynote speech which he could have shortened by saying, “Greetings friends, I am reduced to a bumbling irrelevance, goodbye”. He used to embarrass a nation, now he embarrasses himself. All that could be heard was the distant sound of Mark Francois completing his vinegar strokes.

Oakeshott and Hancock

One of the ongoing concerns about Matt Hancock has been his judgement. The release of his WhatsApp messages by Isabel Oakeshott has confirmed it is not in the department of judgement named ‘good’. Hancock should have known Oakeshott’s track record of stitching people up like a kipper. For reasons no one can explain, he didn’t.

it is an odd situation where a nasty piece of work has stitched up another nasty piece of work. This leaves one laughing at the idiocy of Hancock, but at the same time carrying distain towards Oakeshott for being such a snake. Just for a laugh, Oakeshott claims to be acting in the national interest. As a fully paid up member of the National Narcissistic Society, Oakeshott only works in the interests of herself. It draws me to the conclusion that all the populists have now started to eat each other, which is as funny as it has always been obvious.

Sue Gray-Report

In a bid to allow the Tories to scream foul play, the Labour Party announced that they are in the process of employing Sue Gray-Report as their chief of staff. This led to newspaper outlets such as the Daily Mail, losing their shit and claiming a conspiracy against Boris Johnson with regards to lockdown parties. I don’t read The Mail but their desperation is a joy to behold.

This conspiracy could have carried more traction if Sue Gray-Report and Keir Starmer had actively encouraged lockdown parties in and around 10 Downing Street. Call me biased, but I don’t think they did. It should also be noted that Sue Gray-Report was chosen by Boris Johnson to undertake the Sue Gray report. Mrs Gray-Report was also described by Jacob Rees-Mogg as a civil servant of the highest integrity. It doesn’t make a great story, and I am guessing here, but the labour party are probably engaging Sue Gray-Report because they think she will make a good chief of staff.

Ken Bruce, UK Pop Reggae

I don’t know much about Ken Bruce, because I don’t often listen to Radio 2. What I do know is that for several decades, I thought he featured on the Clash song, White man in Hammersmith Palais. I eventually discovered that the man featured on the song was not a Radio 2 DJ. It was in fact, Ken Boothe, who sang the original of ‘Everything I Own’ later, covered by Boy George. It was a kind of pop reggae song, believe it or not.

From what I have heard this week, Radio 2 might as well turn off the microphones, clear the decks, and lock the doors, now that Ken has gone. According to some, Ken’s departure is down to woke culture and the fact the BBC only want black lesbians with one arm, presenting their shows. A pragmatist might argue that Ken Bruce is 72 years old and has had a good innings. However, this is 2023 and pragmatism is for lefty snowflake types.

Barking Mad at the Wrong Tree

I have nothing against Ken Bruce, mainly because I don’t know him. However, I do find it curious that a certain demographic of the British public go batshit crazy over the departure of a 72-year-old DJ. They do so whilst being apathetic towards industrial scale theft of taxpayers money, the collapse of vital public services and a real threat of a nuclear holocaust. It kind of sums up why we end up with the leaders we get lumbered with. It sometimes feels like we are a nation of people barking madly up the wrong tree.

Still, as the great Paul Weller once raged, the public gets what the public wants. Meanwhile Ken Bruce might not get UK pop reggae but he’ll get a tasty BBC pension. Ken will be alright and so will Radio 2. So will Ken Boothe. He is living in Jamaica and has a net worth of $8 million.

Have a good weekend.