Well, well, well. Look who’s crawling back.

After years of telling the EU to fuck off back to Brussels with its pesky regulations, stable trading partnerships, and inconvenient defence of human rights, the UK is now, rather sheepishly, trying to rekindle some form of relationship with its former best mate. No, not a full reunion you know—just a casual chat about travel and trade. You know, like old times, minus the common sense, frictionless borders, or any hint of dignity.

Of course, this brave new approach to “cooperation” isn’t about reversing Brexit. Heaven forbid. That would be an admission of reality, and we can’t have that nonsense. No, this is simply about making life slightly less nightmarish for businesses, travellers, and anyone who enjoys functioning supply chains and basic diplomatic niceties.

Freedom of Movement… Sort Of, But Not Really, But Maybe

There are whisperings—terrifying ones for the Daily Mail comment section—of a possible thaw in the UK-EU travel freeze. Some murmurs about mobility agreements for young people, mutual recognition of professional qualifications, and even the possibility of Brits once again being able to, shock horror, live and work abroad without drowning in paperwork.

Naturally, the Brexit brigade is livid. After all, the whole point was to stop Big Frank from having to hear Spanish on a beach in Spain, wasn’t it?

But let’s be honest: this was never really about immigration, was it?

It Was About Deregulation All Along

Ah yes, the real meat of the matter: deregulation. The Brexit champions, those tireless warriors for “sovereignty,” were never really worried about the sovereignty of the average voter. No, it was about the freedom to strip away those pesky EU rules that prevent them from underpaying workers, dodging taxes, or funnelling their fortunes to a sun-drenched island with zero tax laws.

Human rights? Workers’ protections? Environmental standards? Nice ideas, but do you know how much they cost in yacht maintenance?

Brexit was about freeing Britain from the tyranny of nasty laws and regulations that stop the rich and powerful from doing whatever the fuck they want. Of course they’ve done it from their Dubai constituencies all in the name of the impoverished people of Boston and Clacton. As long as the people don’t ask too many questions about food prices, or why it now takes four hours to get through passport control when they go to Benidorm.

Let’s Not Forget the ECHR

For people like Badenoch and Farage leaving the EU wasn’t quite enough. They are having a loud push to remove Britain from the European Court of Human Rights too. Quick reminder—the ECHR isn’t even an EU institution. But facts are inconvenient things in post-Brexit Britain.

Nothing says “civilised society” like actively dismantling the systems designed to stop your government from imprisoning people without trial or deporting families to nowhere. But hey, if it stops toy dinghies from landing on Kent’s sacred shores, it’s all worth it, right?

Back to the Future (But With Less Influence)

So here we are, quietly trying to re-establish trade routes, rebuild cultural ties, and repair the reputation of a country that spent the past eight years yelling across the Channel like a pissed up uncle unwisely invited for Christmas dinner. And the best part? Starmer is trying to do it while pretending it was the plan all along.

Because admitting it was a catastrophic mistake that empowered grifters, impoverished industries, and fractured families? Well, that would require self-awareness—a quality even rarer than spotting Nigel Farage having breakfast on Clacton sea front.

So raise a glass to “Global Britain,” now hoping to become “Slightly Less Isolated Britain (But Please Don’t Call It Rejoining).” And to the architects of this glorious mess: congratulations. You broke it. You own it. But we’re the ones still paying for it.

And you’re the cunts still peddling it. Who’s the real traitors here?