Let’s get one thing straight: Reform UK pretending they care about fishermen is like Freddie the Fox claiming it’s running for president of the hen house out of deep concern for poultry welfare. They don’t give a toss about fishermen, fish, or anything that smells remotely like the truth. What they do care about is shouting empty slogans into the void and hoping people are too distracted or desperate to notice they’re being conned by the same toad like con artists from UKIP and the Brexit Party.

The “Red Tape” They Want to Burn Is What Keeps Fish Alive

These lot love banging on about “cutting red tape” and “standing up to the elites”—but if you look at the small print (you know, the actual policies), it basically boils down to: “Let’s scrap all those pesky laws that stop big companies from turning the sea into a chemical toilet.”

Because here’s the thing: those ‘regulations’ they hate so much? They’re the only reason we have fish that don’t glow in the dark or come with a side of microplastics and Castrol GTX. Environmental protections? Gone. Worker safety rules? That’s for snowflakes, mate. It’s all got to go. Protecting the planet and the people who work on it is just so 20th century.

Flying the Flag While Dumping in the Sea

So when Reform UK bang on about “British fishermen,” what they really mean is: “We’re happy to turn the ocean into a giant slurry pit as long as we can wave a Union Jack while we do it.” Patriotism, apparently, now comes with a free oil slick, a dead dolphin and a claim that NetZero is for Marxists.

And the Public Swallow It Hook, Line and Stinker

And the worst part? Loads of people are buying into this shite. It’s incredible, honestly. Whole swathes of the public nod along like fuckwits while these jokers feed them lines like, “We’re taking back control!” Control of what, exactly? The right to go to London and get our diesel inflicted headaches back? Or eat fish that have been marinated in raw sewage?

These grifters wrap themselves in the flag, shout about freedom, and hope you won’t notice they’re handing the keys to the very polluters and profiteers who’ve already rinsed this country dry. It’s like someone breaking into your house, setting the kitchen on fire, then blaming the smoke alarm for getting in the way of your freedom to cook your dinner.

They’re Not Fighting for Fishermen – They’re Fighting for the Polluters

If you genuinely believe Reform UK are fighting for the little guy, then I’ve got a nice little house to sell you. It’s made entirely of deregulated asbestos that those lefties thought they had banned but it’s a lovely house, especially when decorated with lead based paint. Can you believe that actually banned these things? Madness. Political correctness gone mad.

At the end of the day, Reform UK don’t want cleaner seas or better lives for fishermen. They want headlines. They want outrage. And they want to bulldoze any law that stops their mates from making a killing—literally and figuratively.

Reform UK’s Vision: Fish and Chips with a Side of Crude Oil

So next time you hear them talking about fish, just remember: they’d happily deep-fry the last one in crude oil if it meant another appearance on Question Time, shouting down any bum boy lefty that tries to ruin their evening by stating facts.

Anyone might think they are just a bunch of cunts.