Is The Heatwave Caused by an Eastern European Influx?

A joint study by The Daily Mailygraph and Daily Expression claims that the hot weather that has hit Britain this week is likely to have been caused by uncontrolled immigration into the country.

The study carried out by Richard Littlecock and Anne Wobblybum, claims that the rise in land mass caused by the exodus of Bulgarians, Romanians and Poles, has blocked hot air coming up from the Azores and diverted it towards Britain, where it has become trapped.

It is thought by Littlecock and Wobblybum that the transfer of weight from the eastern European population into Britain has created a basin similar to that in the Grand Canyon, allowing the hot air to remain trapped in Britain whilst the Baltic regions stay cool.

Nathan Wacko, The Expression weather expert, believes that this phenomenon will lead to temperatures exceeding a thousand centigrade by the weekend and possibly as hot as the surface of the sun by next Wednesday.

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Baking Britain: Nathan Wacko predicts it will be hotter than the sun itself by next week.

Littlecock, speaking from Paulo Bacre’s yacht on the shores of a Carribean tax haven, believes that the diversion of temperatures caused by Eastern European immigration was also to blame for the Grenfell Flats fire last week.

“It is no coincidence that the weather has been hot and so were those flats when they were on fire” said Littlecock, in between performing erotic lap dances for Bacre.

“If we are looking for someone to blame, I am sorry but we need look no further than poor foreign people”, he went on…and on…and on.

Asked to comment on this theory, the Met Office released the following statement that Littlecock described as a typical loony lefty theory.

“There will be a cooling period and the weather will be changeable, cooler and often breezy, though long dry spells will continue in the south. The northwest will see the coolest, windiest and sometimes wettest conditions”.

Littlecock responded by labelling the Met Office as “Marxist, terorist sympathisers, who obviously hate Britain.”

The Met Office refused to comment further.

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