As Russia prepares their retaliation against Britain in the coming days, the conspiracy theorists have been busy at work with regards to the Sergei Skripal crisis. Some are plausible, others are plain ridiculous, but bundled into one, they cause enough confusion to suit Vladimir Putin just dandy.

Non-Linear Warfare, a system of chaos to confuse all, has been perfected by the Putin regime and it has left everyone in a complete pickle with what and who we are supposed to believe. Although we are drawn to believing our own government, there is a nagging sense we don’t know what is going on at all.

Was it Mossad trying to discredit Moscow by carrying out an attack where they knew Russia would be blamed?

Was it the British government looking to do the same thing?

Was it the Remain campaigners trying to destabilize Brexit?

Was it Brexit campaigners trying to destabilise the second referendum momentum?

Was Jim Bowen exchanging unclaimed ‘Bullseye’ speedboats and Mini Metros for Russian nuclear secrets?

Did Ken Dodd know too much?

Do you know what I think?

I think it was probably a direct hit from Russia because to coin a football chant, “He does what he wants, he does what he wants, he’s Vlad Putin, he does what he wants”.

The two things that have troubled me most are probably irrelevant but here they are anyway.

1/Why would Russia wish to be discredited as a nation this close to a World Cup tournament?

2/Why would they want to knock someone off who is ageing and largely irrelevant?

I can only think that is their way of showing that such is their influence in the UK, they just can. Because of Britain’s financial laws that are tax evasion in all but name, this nation is full of Putin’s enemies and allies.

They are everywhere, popping up all over London after the biggest ever rape of one nation’s resources was invested in property, nightclubs and football clubs with no, or very few questions, asked by those benefiting from the bonanza.

In fact, the Conservative Party undertaking the measures against Moscow has itself received over £800k in Russian funding since the referendum in 2016. I don’t know where it has come from; perhaps it was via enemies of Putin, perhaps it was from allies but it only serves to feed the conspiracy theorists.

No one knows and probably will never know what has really gone on but the fact is that when, as a process of financial seduction, Britain changed its immigration laws in 1996, everything changed. It was during this year when John Major’s Conservatives introduced an ‘Investor Visa’ for anyone with big money wishing to set up home in the UK.

All that was required was the ability to invest £1 million, £750k of it to be registered in government bonds or UK registered companies. After five years, these investors (predominantly Russian) were allowed to apply for permanent residency in the UK and in they flocked.

In many ways it was a roaring success as the Russian billionaires who had a fatalistic outlook on life, spent and spent lavishly. The high end of London business had never seen anything like it and whether Oligarchs had gained their wealth illegally in their own country or not was moot point, as we allowed them to bring it in perfectly legally.

However, with the money has come the gangsters, the feuds and those who will carry out executions or attempted executions for their bosses as acts of revenge for wrongdoing in financial and political circles which of course, are all linked.

That is why we should feel sorry the copper who got contaminated with a nerve agent but not Skripal, who as a double agent, would just have easily become a treble or quadruple agent. He knew what he was doing when he sold those secrets and he knew the possible consequences.

What we need to look at as a nation, is whether the foreign investment boom in London was worth it and whether our dubious financial moral judgement has left us in a situation where people in power are so intrinsically linked to Russian finance, they have both hands tied behind their backs when it comes to holding Putin to account.

Jeremy Corbyn asked some legitimate questions in parliament today and was booed and hissed at by the Conservatives which, regardless of your political view, should set alarm bells ringing.

However, maybe that’s just another conspiracy theory because Corbyn is a commie and it was probably him who administered the nerve gas.

I’m off to watch a James Bond film; I need a dose of reality.