This is fantastic. Beleaguered MP Jackie Smith must have thought she had enough problems over second home expenses, then bingo, her husband Richard Tinney is caught buying porn films.

Initially I thought poor fool, most blokes (and women probably) have dabbled in a bit of soft porn now and then, he was just unlucky enough to be the Home secretary’s wife. Then as I read on I could not believe it………….the daft fucker claimed them on second home expenses!!!!

You know what that means folks……………………..yes you’ve got it, we the Great British public are paying for the Home Secretary’s husband to beat his bishop watching “Gigantic Jugs of Joy” or something of the like (let’s not argue about the title). Now, we all know that the law abiding, tax paying Middle Englanders are a notoriously tolerant bunch, but paying Richard Tinney to have a wank may be pushing them a bit too far.

Or maybe I am wrong, maybe people should be able to claim benefit to have a toss. People claim for housing benefit, unemployment benefit, disability benefits, even dog allowance, so why not “Wanking benefit” or “Wank credits” for low income families to buy porn. It may even reduce teenage pregnancies with young lads claiming “Wanking Support” to buy porn rather than humping some malnourished chain smoking fourteen year old from a sink estate.

Of course the downside of this would be that higher earners would have to pay a “Wank Tax” to offset the payments going out to low income families. This could be highly embarrassing when filling out the wanking section in annual tax returns, and a complex operation for tax collectors. For instance, how would they put a figure on Simon Cowell who is a one hundred per cent 24 carat wanker of the highest degree!!!!