These talent shows are getting ridiculous, Strictly Come Dancing, X Factor, Pop Idol, Britain’s Got Talent, Dancing on Ice, Soap Star Superstar, dance star etc etc.
It has got to the stage where the ideas are running out, we now have Dancing on Wheels for the disabled, and Pop Star to Opera Star, where some tit who came third in Pop Idol a few years back attempts to be Pavarotti. Don’t get me wrong, it is not the disabled dancing I have a problem with, it is the producers who will go to any length to jump on to the successful reality show gravy train, and try to create something new. What next Strictly Come Corps, Strictly Come Sex Change, Strictly Try Not To Come In Your Pants, something which Chris Hollins became quite proficient at recently!?!?
I have decided to help the producers along, by coming up with a new show. My show (it’s a winner) will be called Strictly Come In Illegal Immigrant. On this show the BBC camera crew will camp outside the docks at Dover, and film removal lorries as they go through passport control. The 12 contestants will be picked by a team of judges who will assess the risks they took to get here. For example they may have travelled 3,000 miles in a freezer, or chained to an exhaust pipe. The riskier the journey, the more likely they are to be selected.
Hopefuls: “Strictly Come In Illegal Immigrant” queues at Dover
When they arrive unwashed in London the presenter (Bruce Forsyth) will greet them to rapturous laughter with “Not nice to smell you, not nice” whilst doing a tap dance and flamboyantly wafting of his hand in front of his nose as Tess Daley prances around with a sick bucket.
The panel will consist of Jim Davidson, Ronnie Corbett, Michael Fish, and Jimmy Hill, and it will be up to them which immigrant is deported each week. When an immigrant is deported they all cry the catchphrase “Go on, Fack Off Back To Where Ya Come from.”
After 12 long weeks the tearful winner will receive a two year working visa, a flat in Hackney, a new leather/pvc jacket, a plastering job at the new Olympic Stadium, and a false promise from the Met Police not to shoot him on the Piccadilly Line.
Beat that for entertainment!