Britain is Trapped in Brexit Mayhem!

Posted on December 13, 2018

After following yesterday’s events on Brexit, it got to a stage where my brain felt like a computer that had run out of disc space and needed fragmenting and rebooting. Even the excellent John Pienaar on the BBC appeared nonplussed, yet, in 2015, David Cameron decided to put this complex situation to the people, millions of whom are only really interested in beer and football results.

Theresa May now looks about 175 years old and Britain is a standing joke on the world stage, with no sign of any discernible leadership in the government or the opposition, with both parties deeply divided as to what is the direction the country should be heading in.

I did hear that Jeremy Corbyn was being deliberately useless as a strategy. This is so the Conservatives wouldn’t see him as a threat, because if they did, they would rally around Theresa May through fear of a Labour government. If there is any truth in this (it must be a conspiracy theory, surely?) the Labour party might as well put Baldrick in charge.

To be a satirist or a political journalist at the moment must be really exciting but at the same time, utterly chaotic. Once one article has been penned and is ready for topical delivery, it is suddenly, old news. It already seems like several months ago when the PM called for a vote on her Brexit deal that only she liked, then cancelled it when someone finally told her she was, in the words of a 1980’s Norwegian football commentator, going to take ‘one hell of a beating’.

The problem with her deal is that she offered one side of the argument sweet and the other savoury and ended up serving a bacon trifle. Once I started to read the 575 pages of it, even I could see it was a fragmented and desperate document that if it had been a child’s GCSE homework, it would have been full of scribbles saying, “explain further” and “see me”.

To anyone who is genuinely interested in this subject rather than someone who just shouts, “GET OVER IT MATE, YOU LOST!” it is plain to see that a compromise deal is never going to be as good as the one that is already in place, despite flaws and understandable annoyance with some of the inner workings of a complex union. It is also plain to see that because of a whopping parliamentary majority, no one is going to allow a ‘No Deal’ collapse.

So, it’s stalemate.

It will continue to be stalemate as long as major political parties are split between progressives and nostalgia merchants who think everything was so much better in the past, when clearly it wasn’t. I blame period dramas like Downton Abbey and the BBC continuing to fawn all over that fucking idiot Jacob Rees Mogg, as if though he has any relevance other than as some sort of weirdo who disciplines his maid for leaving a table leg uncovered.

Britain’s biggest issue has always been an attraction to nostalgia with a preference to looking back to when all summers were picnics by a glistening trout stream and winters were spent skating on the River Thames. A bit of nostalgia is fine but trying to recreate it in a rapidly evolving world, will lead to global insignificance.

I would say we need another referendum as that is sensible, but from what I have seen, Brexiteers are in total denial of the facts that are laid out for all to see if they can be bothered to look. They are not interested and get red in the face and defensive when challenged, seeing every genuine query as insult.

If there is anything to lift the gloom, it is how confused people now are, which can make some great comedy in the form of mixed idioms like the one I heard from a client of mine yesterday.

“Hell would have to be on fire before Theresa May called a referendum”.

The best I have heard since ‘That’s the way the cuckoo crumbles’. 


Next Week: How Paul Gascoigne became Prime Minister


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