Time For Good Honest Tories to Clean Up Loony Lefty Misogyny!

Posted on December 21, 2018

What a bonkers week that was. Misogyny, Drones, Mourinho’s sacking, Putin demanding that democracy should not be interfered with (he did, honestly) and Trump losing yet more of his staff, presumably another one who has worked out he is mad as fuck.

How on earth would you cope with that lot as a satirist? It must be absolute carnage in the offices of Private Eye as these publications have to be right on the money with current affairs. How do you run a publication where by the time you have gone to print and got into the newsagents, your article feels about six months old?

Lord only knows what Brexiteers think of Putin’s statement that a second referendum corrupts democracy? I wouldn’t mind betting that rather than seeing the obvious (Russia interfered with the referendum want to break up Europe) Brexiteers probably think it is all a plot and that Putin is getting paid by MI5 to say such things to convince our government to go back to the people.

The thick ones will be nodding sagely and agreeing with Putin, admiring him for honesty as a decent democrat in the land of the free.

The really, really, thick ones won’t even know what Putin said, as they were busy down the pub telling their mates about how they met a nurse down at The Red Lion, took her back to her flat, made her cum 15 times and then fended off three muggers on the way home.

It’s hard to pick a golden moment in all this news as there is so much to choose from. However, I think I will go for the moment when Tory MP’s rounded on speaker, John Bercow, and demanded that Jeremy Corbyn was a misogynist for saying ‘stupid woman’.

This is not because I think that saying ‘stupid woman’ is a particularly nice thing to do but Tories crying misogyny is about the equivalent of Peter Sutcliffe saying murdering prostitutes with a hammer is not very nice.

Tories have been misogynists since they invented themselves in 1834. If you want evidence of this, you only need to go back to last Wednesday to see it in action. I know it already seems like a year ago but on the day Theresa May was desperate for votes, the Conservative party handed back the party whip to a pair of their MPs’ who are suspended for harassing constituents with sex texts.

These texts included asking women to dress up like pigs and be rough as well as inquiring if one of them liked a good beating. Maybe it’s just me being a conspiracy theorist, but I couldn’t help but think that handing sex text perverts the party whip back on the day the PM was scrambling for votes, was more than a coincidence and smacked of misogyny.

Although I must confess, harassing constituents is not as bad as calling a woman who said something stupid, a stupid woman, even if Corbyn has since said he was calling the front bench ‘stupid people’. Whether he is lying or not, only he knows, but it is bordering on madness to come a conclusion that the Labour Party have an issue with misogyny and it is up to decent folk of the Conservative Party to clean it up.

As they say in cockney rhyming slang, “Do me a Rod Laver”.

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