NHS to Get Rolex Watches as Bridge Plans Get the Nod!

Posted on April 19, 2020

Health minister, Matt Hancock, has announced that the government has spent £20 million on rewards for NHS workers on the frontline.

All doctors and nurses in the NHS will be given genuine Rolex watches after Hancock struck a deal with Rolex dealer, Lucky Asyulikey (above) from Fuengirola, on the Costa Del Sol, Spain.

The government has paid Lucky up front, on a buyer collects deal. The watches should be ready within the fortnight and will be sent out with any PPE the government can get their hands on.

In other news, the government has also announced plans to build five new bridges over the River Thames in central London.

The bridges, designed by city architect, Johnson Stanley LLP, will celebrate the amount of emergency Cobra meetings PM, Boris Johnson, has missed. Johnson Stanley LLP have received £10 million for structural planning, with a view to the bridges never being built.

Meanwhile, another 37 people died of boredom today after listening to Gavin Williamson’s daily press briefing. This beat the previous daily record of 34 set by Dominic Raab.

CMO, Chris Whitty, said It is hoped the upward curve will plateau as people give up listening.

“The less people listen to these tedious briefings featuring inane media questions, logic suggests the death rate will go down”, said Whitty, who also stated he is as prepared as he could be for when the government blame him for not controlling the virus.

The government refused to comment on rumours that they had already bought a Nike bag, a belt, some oranges, and a pair of suspenders, in preparation for Whitty’s death.

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