Sunak Vows to Smash the Bogeymen

Posted on May 15, 2024

Prime Minister Rishi Sunak delivered a keynote speech claiming he has a vision for ridding Britain of ghosts, ghouls, and bogeymen. Sunak asserts that while the Conservatives have a plan to ‘Stop the Ghosts,’ Labour simply wants them to have their way.

“While Labour simply opens our borders to any ghosts and ghouls, we will tackle them head-on. We will vanquish the ghosts and banish the bogeymen by putting them on flights back to the Netherworld,” said Sunak, aiming to avoid sounding like he was addressing a conference of two-year-olds.

He then issued a stark warning, pointing at the camera. Sunak said, “A vote for Labour is literally an invitation for the grim reaper himself to come knocking at YOUR door.”

Labour leader Keir Starmer responded by saying, “What the Prime Minister fails to admit is that the real specter haunting this great nation and our amazing Union Jack flag is economic equality. When I was head of the Crown Prosecution Service, I smashed drug gangs and will do the same with those exploiting ghosts and ghouls.”

As the election rhetoric ramps up, Sunak hopes he can further exploit Daily Mail readers with a keynote speech about Labour allowing foreigners planning permission to build houses in the back gardens of pensioners.

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