In a bid to break up the tedium of midweek without going to the pub, the other night I meandered down to the East Stratton village hall to listen to a talk on the history of Britain's canals and in particular the Basingstoke canal. Unfortunately the speaker had a heart attack and rather selfishly had to pull out, opting to have a quadruple heart bypass instead; it is extraordinary the lengths people will go to avoid fulfilling their commitments ...
One of the advantages of being the youngest of five children is that I assumed from an early age Jimmy Saville was a pervert. Because of the power and influence my elder Brothers had over me, I had no desire whatsoever to spend an afternoon meeting the England football team whilst a BBC producer fixed it for Jim to put his hands down my 1970's nylon Y Fronts. My brother's, Bruce and Graham, like all elder brothers, could be right bastards ...
Well, just a day after turning over a new chapter in my life where I operate with foresight rather than hindsight, I have failed once again. In a bit of a dash to get the boys to their respective schools and colleges on Thursday morning I threw on a creased shirt a pair of grubby old bottoms and Harry's plimsolls that look good on a fourteen year old but quite frankly, fucking ridiculous on a bald bloke one month shy of his 45th Birthday. I ...
I was driving out of my close on Monday evening when I saw a hedgehog and its offspring desperately buffering up against the kerb in an attempt to get on the path to safety. Like a true hero, I got out of my car and lifted them all to their safety and they scurried off to carry on their business which presumably involves hogging hedges. I couldn't help thinking that with better foresight the hedgehog would have seen this problem coming and taken ...
Anyone who watched the Ryder Cup this weekend will no doubt agree with me when I say that what happened in Chicago was one of the most spectacular sporting occasions in History. On Saturday afternoon Europe were finished, beaten out of sight by an American team backed by supporters who goaded the Europeans by cheering missed putts, wayward drives and lake bound tee shots. Nothing ceases to amaze with American sports fans and their loud mouth ...