Funny Old World

Posted on September 30, 2009

What an odd day I had yesterday. It started with a visit to do a quotation at a care home in Isleworth, London. When I was walking through a corridor an elderly lady attached herself to me in a rather aggressive manner (well, as aggressive as an old lady can be!) and appeared not to want to let go. When the site caretaker tried to prise her off me, she rather hilariously told him to piss off, though this still didn’t solve my problem because as it turned out, was she thought I was her Dad, which was not very flattering as that would make me about 110. However, as is the case with Dementia she probably thought I was 41 and she was 20 or something. Eventually one of the nurses got me to walk her back to her room, and I said goodbye to my new found daughter with a peck on the forehead which seemed to make her happy to let go, and made me quite happy I had made her happy, even in a delusional way.

So off I went back towards Reading, and maybe it was the experience with my 90 year old daughter, but I started thinking that in our own way we are all just as mad as each other. My other experiences that day were as follows:

1/ Driving past Heathrow and seeing several people kitted out with fold up chairs, flasks, Tupperware sandwich boxes, and telescopic lenses, presumably watching planes. One chap was actually running along snapping what must have been something rarely seen at British Airports. What an odd hobby.

2/ A trip to JJB sports to buy George a cricket box. Nothing unusual in that, until I realised I was the only person in there who has ever played sport of any kind. No one does irony like the Brits, and this was a classic case in point. Britain’s unhealthiest pasty faced, fast food eaters go shopping……in a sports shop which is conveniently placed next to MacDonald’s, and adjacent to Pizza Hut, it’s a tragically brilliant bit of marketing by someone.

3/ I was in Sainsbury’s picking up some bits and bobs when I overheard a couple in their 30’s having a discussion about the price of Multi Sacks of crisps being less money at rival Supermarket Morrison’s. After a serious debate fit for Prime Ministers Question Time, they decided not to go through with their purchase knowing they couldn’t live with themselves for being so extravagant. Now I am all for a bit of frugality, (I must try it myself after funding my solicitors Christmas party) but saving 10p on a sack of crisps is hardly recession busting, and when you consider the 3 mile trip to Morrison’s from Sainsbury’s, it doesn’t take a mathematician to work out that they will actually be substantially out of pocket when you take in to account basic car running costs of 20p a mile.

I then got home rang Terry arranged to play this game they call golf. What you do is you put 13 carbon sticks with metal heads on in a bag, you carry it to a huge field consisting of sandpits and lakes with 18 holes conveniently marked 1-18. The object of this game is to hit a small stationary white ball towards these holes in as few attempts as possible. It takes about 4 hours. Now if you had just arrived on the planet, you would somewhat justfiably think I needed help.

When I reflected back on my day, I assumed most people would say that the old lady (my daughter) was stark raving mad, not an entirely incorrect judgement, but when you look at my other experiences on the same day, it is safe to say that nothing is more quirky than the human race…….we are all stark raving bonkers. And the happiest nutter of all was the old lady who got to see her Dad again!!!

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