Television Gold!

Posted on February 19, 2010

The cold miserable wintry weather has continued this week with a mixture of low temperatures rain sleet and snow across the South, so it has been a godsend that some brilliant TV has been on our screens to cheer me up.

Firstly, the latest series of Shameless has in my opinion surpassed expectations, it is great TV including high drama, scandal, and laugh out loud comedy in a moral free sink estate in Manchester. With it’s opening strap line “Make Poverty History Free Drugs For All” from the hateable yet lovable Frank Gallagher (below) you know what you are in for.

I can see why some people don’t like it, but personally I find it unmissable, Frank going blind after drinking imported toxic Vodka was priceless.

Frank Gallagher doing Community service

Then yesterday we had the new series of Masterchef, a great reality show where amateur Chefs try to prove themselves to the country. If you ever fancy yourself as a bit of a cook like I do from time to time, watch this programme for a reality check. When they lay out the various ingredients on a table and say “make a meal out of that” I realise I am a complete novice. My only hope would be if my ingredients consisted of mince, onions, chillies, red kidney beans , Worcester sauce, a can of tomato’s, some cumin and coriander. Can you guess what my meal would be?

Then, if I fluked it through, it would be in to the kitchen of a top London restaurant to do my Frank Spencer impression. Half an hour under that sort of pressure and I would either die of a heart attack or set the place ablaze. I had to feel for a couple of the contestants on there last night who produced something that can only be described as fresh vomit. Who the hell put them up to it by saying they could cook?

Then finally, last night we had My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding on Channel 4, a Cutting Edge documentary about the expense and extravagance Travellers will go to have a Wedding bigger than the last, it was remarkable stuff.

An insight in to the secretive community showed us the strict moral codes travellers have towards weddings, and who their children marry, (they are not allowed to marry non travellers) but what I found most remarkable was how young they married, more often than not, just aged 16. The programme also highlighted the prejudices this community suffer when hoteliers often cancel weddings at late notice upon finding out it has been booked by travellers, and whilst this seems unjust, there must be a reason they turn good cash away, though the documentary didn’t highlight why (work it out for yourself).

There is no doubting that this community has within it, a strong moral code of practice and fierce loyalty, but it’s problems dealing with the outside world make me wander if it is self inflicted, or induced by years of resentment coming from the rest of society. Whatever the reason, society as a whole will always struggle to respect a community that has alleged links with unsavoury activities such as dog fighting, badger baiting, and bad workmanship carried out of the homes of the vulnerable elderly.

However, it could be argued that door to door Salesman, Bankers, Politicians, the Police (Google Ali Dalziel) and Local Authorities are just as, if not more corrupt, but they fleece us with a suit on and a posh accent, while travellers do it in less attractive timberland boots and braces.

In fact if I had a choice between a Traveller and a Kirby Vacuum cleaner knocking at my door, I would take the traveller any time. What would really be fun, would be to give the address of a Traveller bare knuckle boxing champion to a Kirby Salesman, I would happily pay Sky £20.00 to watch that.

“Hello sir, I have come to show you the remarkable qualities of our Kirby Vacuum Cleaner”

“Go on with yis, fuck off ye idjit”

“But sir, not many people really understand what filth they live in until they try the fantastic three thousand pound a chuck Kirby cleaner”

“Are you calling my Caravan filthy, ye cunt”

“It will be full of unseen bugs only the Kirby can clean sir”


One less Kirby Salesman!

I might try to sell that to Sky, imagine the ratings for “Let’s Whack A Kirby Salesman” it would make me a fortune.

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