Partridge and the Death of John Baskell!
Posted on March 5, 2019
The moment I realised that this week’s episode of ‘This Time’ was to be dedicated to the death of former presenter, I knew one thing. I was set for a nauseating treat.
I wasn’t let down. Alan Partridge, seized the opportunity to indulge in sentimental nonsense about the death of John Baskell with gusto. It was painful comedy at its exquisite best.
From the off it was obvious Baskell’s untimely death offered Partridge an unmissable opportunity. He could mourn John Baskell whilst dropping in barbed comments about his personal life. Partridge could seal his future by discrediting the former, much loved, presenter.
“John didn’t live his life so much like a candle in the wind as like an oil rig flare stack in a North Sea gale. Like an oil rig, he drew on huge reserves of energy, was physically quite squat, and, thanks to his prodigious whisky intake, helped prop up the economy of Scotland.”
This was Partridge, at his self-indulgent best. Seizing upon any opportunity that might result in him presenting ‘This Time’ permanently.
With live tweets coming onto the screen and sad people invited to be in the audience, it was a hideous example of the era of sentimental bullshit we live in. There was more to follow; it was going to get better.
A Presenters Class War
Enter the the nauseatingly popular Sam Chatwin, into what was almost turning into a a class war. An accomplished presenter with silver spooned opportunities on one side, the desperate, useless, Partridge on the other. Surely there was only one winner?
After his own gushing tribute, Chatwin charmingly and confidently explained how his passion for history had allowed him to transfer his presenting skills into a new show, ‘War Machines’. From nature to war history, how could he do it so smoothly?
“A lot of people look at you Sam and say, how does he do it? How does he go from nature programmes to presenting one of the biggest gigs in the BBC History team? That’s quite a feat.”
“Yeah, I guess so, thanks for saying that Alan, it means a lot”
“And another little known fact (Sam)…your father was head of factual programming until recently, wasn’t he?”
As Chatwin recovered, Partridge was back on the ropes again. However as the the programme drew to close, some #metoo style accusations regarding Baskell, came up on the screen. Partridge seized his opportunity, reading the tweets, despite the protestations of Jenny Gresham.
“He (Baskell) gave me a pottery lesson and sat behind me wearing Speedos and saying ‘I’m like Patrick Swayze in Ghost’. It started off as a vase but by the time he’d finished fondling me it was just a very wide ashtray.”
“I once took a cup of tea to him in his dressing room and he flopped his gown open, gyrated his hips and twirled his penis around saying ‘I’m a catherine wheel’ (my name is Catherine)”.
As the smug media nepotists, Jenny Gresham and Sam Chatwin (who had said how close they were to Baskell) squirmed in their seats, Partridge was in full flow. Knowing they had set themselves up by claiming how much they loved Baskell, Partridge finished the show in style.
“John Baskell was on telly, did charity work, good to friends, three marriages, now question marks over conduct”. Apparently we have another fifteen seconds left, Jenny, do you want to say anything more about John? Sam…?