A Rarely Enjoyable England Opening Act

When I woke up this morning, I was trying to remember the last time I enjoyed the opening game of an England World Cup campaign quite so much.

Okay, the 6-2 hiding we handed out to Iran in 2022 was pretty entertaining, but Iran are no Croatia. Beating them felt a bit like beating my four-year-old granddaughter in a spelling test. Technically a victory, but not one that tells you very much about your own abilities.

Before that, you have to wade through a swamp of largely forgettable opening games. There was a decent enough 2-0 win over Tunisia in 1998, then all the way back to Bryan Robson inspiring a 3-1 victory over France in 1982. In between? Mostly varying shades of disappointment. The ugly 1-1 draw with Ireland in 1990 sticks in the memory for all the wrong reasons, as do the desperately uninspiring 1-1 draws with Sweden and the USA in 2002 and 2010. England opening games have generally been exercises in endurance rather than enjoyment.

Is Someone Playing FIFA?

So last night felt almost suspicious.

At times I found myself wondering whether Jennifer’s son had sneaked downstairs and loaded up FIFA. England went toe-to-toe with Croatia, made a few mistakes, got caught out occasionally, but ultimately overwhelmed them with an attacking display that at times resembled Liverpool during Jurgen Klopp’s peak years. The football was fast, aggressive and relentlessly forward-thinking.

Going forward, England attacked with devastating speed. The high-energy pressing system they employed felt completely alien to the old national-team philosophy of “whatever you do, don’t cock it up.” It was breathless, exciting and occasionally chaotic. During a ten-minute spell early in the second half it genuinely looked as though the game might finish 8-2.

For the sanity of those who immediately start pricing up commemorative tattoos after one good result, it’s probably for the best that it didn’t.

A Word of Caution

There is, of course, a caveat to all the positivity and the inevitable outbreak of “It’s Coming Home” nonsense. Croatia are not the side that knocked England out in the 2018 semi-final. Time catches up with everyone eventually, even international football teams.

It also helped that Croatia actually wanted to play football. Their willingness to attack created space and allowed England to show what they could do. It will be fascinating to see whether Ghana are equally brave or whether they decide that placing eleven men behind the ball and treating a 0-0 draw like a national treasure is the smarter approach. A point would be enough to send Ghana through, so there is every chance we get ninety minutes of football terrorism.

But let’s not dwell on that.

Tuchel’s England

This was probably the most enjoyable England performance I can remember. More importantly, it seemed to validate Thomas Tuchel’s belief that England can play high-tempo, Premier League-style football and still be successful. Perhaps deep down he realises that pragmatism has never won England very much anyway, so why not try playing the way these players spend every week playing for their clubs?

It might work brilliantly. It might fall apart spectacularly against France, Spain or Portugal. But those teams would probably beat a cautious England side anyway. If we’re going to lose, I’d much rather watch England go down 5-3 in a glorious shootout than 2-0 after spending ninety minutes defending our own penalty area and registering fewer shots than the bloke selling programmes outside the ground.

So Where Does This End?

So, from the comfort of the chaise longue, where does this amateur pundit and wannabe journalist think all this ends?

The honest answer is that I haven’t got the faintest clue.

I still expect England to get through the group and reach the latter stages of the tournament. Beyond that, who knows? Against the very best sides, anything could happen. The main concern raised by the more experienced pundits is the defence. Can two from Konsa, Stones and Guehi develop something more coherent than the slightly wobbly centre-back partnership we saw last night? That’s a question that probably won’t be answered until England face genuinely elite opposition.

Just Enjoy It

Whatever happens, last night was fun.

It was refreshing to see a team built around round pegs in round holes rather than a collection of supposedly world-class players being shoehorned into positions they barely recognise because they’re allegedly too important to leave out and the manager lacks the courage to make difficult decisions.

Tuchel, to his credit, seems remarkably uninterested in reputations. He appears far more concerned with building a coherent team than collecting famous names.

Long may that continue.