Sliding Back into Alcohol Dependency
Posted on February 3, 2021
One of the things that I have found to be a test of my resilience during the pandemic is alcohol dependency. Before last spring, I was barely drinking and not touching a drop in the week.
It seemed that I had lost any dependency and broken all the habits of an adult lifetime. I was feeling cleaner for it too. Breaking these habits had come from watching a documentary by Adrian Charles called ‘Drinkers Like Me’.
It turned out I was a drinker like him, and I needed to stop it. I had long consoled myself that I barely ever got drunk and that meant I had no dependency issues. However, after I did a calculation of my habits, it turned out that I did have dependency issues.
Becoming alcohol aware helped me cut out pointless drinking and I found that a few dry January’s led to the breaking of habits. Well, at least until the summer, when other temptations come over the horizon (pub gardens and cricket etc). When autumn came, I would slow up again, then start the process again with a dry January.
It was on a Monday in early spring last year things took a turn. Lockdown had arrived and I had just spent an afternoon on the phone laying off around 20 contract staff; I was mentally shot to bits. I went to the Co-Op, bought a bottle of wine, and polished it off.
Thereafter, as the balmy spring lockdown weather took hold, I drifted back into picking up booze with my shopping. I am lucky that I get hideous hangovers, so it was never a lot (2 glasses of wine a night or a couple of bottles of San Miguel). However, I was back in full Adrian Chiles mode by the end of May.
As the year progressed, I lost interest in abstinence and had a bit of booze on more days than I didn’t. It dawned on me that it had all gone too far when I realised that I couldn’t face a January in lockdown without having a bit of booze around. I only had about 5 dry days all month.
I have now started February clean of booze and I will crack on with a dry month. What annoys me is that it won’t be easy because I am starting all over again. All the good work I put in from 2017 to 2020 counts for nothing, as I am back to where I was.
I haven’t been a big drinker for years, but I just don’t like the thought of it dictating my shopping habits or even occasionally being an excuse to shop. It makes me lethargic, niggly, and prone to making mistakes with things like invoicing or processing orders. It just won’t do.
Off we go again.
*This is not meant to be a self righteous post. I couldn’t give a toss what others do or don’t drink; it’s up to them. Thought I’d mention it just in case.